Got an email this morning from a new fan
Ollie Ox. Thanks for the compliments Ollie! Ollie had his own take on Nickelback and I feel it is only appropriate to share it here. For the original article, please visit Ollie's site here:
http://ollieoxxx.wordpress.com/2012/11/14/nickelback-behind-the-music/ or
http://ollieox.net
Nickelback, Behind the Music.
Nickleback is a Canadian rock band hailing from Hanna, Alberta. For
those of you who aren’t familiar with Hanna, Alberta, it’s a desolate
stretch of unforgiving frozen tundra covered in a dense icepack for 11
months out of the year. It is prohibitively cold there and makes it
almost impossible to perform any activity requiring fine motor skills
such as knitting, painting, or practicing guitar.
Since the town is a bitter cold wasteland for much of the year there
isn’t much to do in Hanna besides huff gasoline in the garage, drink
grain alcohol and punch your wife and kids. The townsfolk often spend
their evenings trading pills and enjoying the warmth inside the Gas
& Go Convenient Mart located in the town center. These gatherings
are punctuated by the occasional fist fight where someone is usually
slammed into the Slush Puppy™ machine and Karyn the bull dyke station
clerk with the flapjack tits has to draw her shotgun, cocking it once to
quell the skirmish. But, however cold and tortuous the elements are
throughout the 11 month winters here, around late August the
temperatures slowly rise and the snow cover gradually recedes back into
the shadows and the citizens of Hanna no longer have to huddle at the
Gas & Go for warmth; feeling soon returns to their frozen
extremities. It is in this very short window of opportunity where Chad
Kroeger, Ryan Peake, Mike Kroeger and Ryan Vikedal would meet and
eventually come to reshape the course of modern rock music.
Just prior to the band’s formation in 1995 , lead singer Chad Kroeger
was working part time on his dad’s cattle ranch where he was
responsible for thawing the frozen udders of each cow using his own body
heat in order to extract the sow’s icy milk. It was here he learned the
value of hot air and would use his own breath and glove-warmed hands to
gently thaw the teats of the mother cows as they slept in the frigid
morning air. His brother, Mike Kroeger, did not produce as much hot air
as his older brother Chad and therefor he was tasked with shoveling
manure into and out of his dad’s shed. He would soon rise to become the
band’s superstar bass player.
Ryan Vikedal, the band’s soon to be megastar drummer, was working as a
mechanic for Karyn the bull dyke clerk with the floppy frisbee tits. He
was kind of a hard worker and although not formally trained as a
mechanic, more often than not he could fix the problem by repeatedly
hitting the automobile undercarriage or engine with a wrench.
Ryan Peake, the band’s “second Ryan” and virtuoso backing vocalist
was working 75hr work weeks at the local Sam’s Club. He’d often spend a
majority of his time perched high atop the large shelving units
proactively trying to spot people shoplifting. His manager would often
reprimand Ryan stating that the store already had over 27 manned cctv
security cameras installed already and that it’d be more helpful if he’d
“go wrangle in some carts from the parking lot”. This became a sore
subject between the two and eventually Ryan was made to stand at the
entrance for the duration of his shift and blow up the large 30inch
SAM’S balloons for the children. Ryan would come develop a very powerful
set of lungs as a result and till this day he rarely uses a mic when
performing backing vocals in large venues.
Nickleback is a Canadian rock band hailing from Hanna, Alberta. For
those of you who aren’t familiar with Hanna, Alberta, it’s a desolate
stretch of unforgiving frozen tundra covered in a dense icepack for 11
months out of the year. It is prohibitively cold there and makes it
almost impossible to perform any activity requiring fine motor skills
such as knitting, painting, or practicing guitar.
Since the town is a bitter cold wasteland for much of the year there
isn’t much to do in Hanna besides huff gasoline in the garage, drink
grain alcohol and punch your wife and kids. The townsfolk often spend
their evenings trading pills and enjoying the warmth inside the Gas
& Go Convenient Mart located in the town center. These gatherings
are punctuated by the occasional fist fight where someone is usually
slammed into the Slush Puppy™ machine and Karyn the bull dyke station
clerk with the flapjack tits has to draw her shotgun, cocking it once to
quell the skirmish. But, however cold and tortuous the elements are
throughout the 11 month winters here, around late August the
temperatures slowly rise and the snow cover gradually recedes back into
the shadows and the citizens of Hanna no longer have to huddle at the
Gas & Go for warmth; feeling soon returns to their frozen
extremities. It is in this very short window of opportunity where Chad
Kroeger, Ryan Peake, Mike Kroeger and Ryan Vikedal would meet and
eventually come to reshape the course of modern rock music.
Just prior to the band’s formation in 1995 , lead singer Chad Kroeger
was working part time on his dad’s cattle ranch where he was
responsible for thawing the frozen udders of each cow using his own body
heat in order to extract the sow’s icy milk. It was here he learned the
value of hot air and would use his own breath and glove-warmed hands to
gently thaw the teats of the mother cows as they slept in the frigid
morning air. His brother, Mike Kroeger, did not produce as much hot air
as his older brother Chad and therefor he was tasked with shoveling
manure into and out of his dad’s shed. He would soon rise to become the
band’s superstar bass player.
Ryan Vikedal, the band’s soon to be megastar drummer, was working as a
mechanic for Karyn the bull dyke clerk with the floppy frisbee tits. He
was kind of a hard worker and although not formally trained as a
mechanic, more often than not he could fix the problem by repeatedly
hitting the automobile undercarriage or engine with a wrench.
Ryan Peake, the band’s “second Ryan” and virtuoso backing vocalist
was working 75hr work weeks at the local Sam’s Club. He’d often spend a
majority of his time perched high atop the large shelving units
proactively trying to spot people shoplifting. His manager would often
reprimand Ryan stating that the store already had over 27 manned cctv
security cameras installed already and that it’d be more helpful if he’d
“go wrangle in some carts from the parking lot”. This became a sore
subject between the two and eventually Ryan was made to stand at the
entrance for the duration of his shift and blow up the large 30inch
SAM’S balloons for the children. Ryan would come develop a very powerful
set of lungs as a result and till this day he rarely uses a mic when
performing backing vocals in large venues.
Because of the harsh environment where the band was formed, they only
had one solid month out of the year to practice their respective
instruments. Everyday the band mates would gather at around 5pm in
Mike’s father’s manure shed and would practice all the way until 7 or 8
sometime’s 9pm, skipping dinner entirely! At first the band showed no
promise, most practice sessions were interrupted by Ryan #2′s girlfriend
bitching about something or one of the townsfolk beating on the shed
door pleading that they had what it took to be in the band as well. At
one point in late 1993 there were upwards of 16 people in the Nickelback
super-band when Chad finally put his foot down deciding to cut the
roster back down to the original 4, eliminating the woodwind section and
the 3 extra drummers.
“…ya know it got to a point where the shed couldn’t
physically hold all of us, when my dad found we had shoveled out some of
the shit to make room for the others he threatened to break our
instruments. Manure is money he said” -Chad Kroeger
Several years would pass performing to crowds of 10 – 20 in the
mechanic’s garage at the Gas & Go. Karyn, the bull dyke clerk with
the orangutan boobs that start at her shoulder blades would charge the
towns people 5¢ admission to see them play. Without fail, by mid-set
most residents would clamor for a refund stating they wanted their
nickel back. Among the deer knives and brass knuckles, the mob was often
silenced by Karyn the bull dyke clerk with the saggy tortilla titties,
as she fired buckshot into the ceiling of the garage, yelling:
“Settle down or nobody’s getting their fuckin’ nickel back!”
And the name stuck. This scene would play out for several years until
the band was finally noticed by talent scout Ron Burman, the bass
player’s uncle. Burman would eventually come to perform a wide range of
favors and ‘under the table’ deals with high-powered radio brokers that
would soon thrust his hot product into the spotlight. Enter Nickelback.
Fast forward to the late summer of 1995, where Chad Kroeger had freshly penned the remarkably resilient hit single
“This is How You Remind Me”
which to everyone’s suprise soared to the top of both American and
Canadian Billboard charts for rock. A personal, angst-filled masterpiece
that opens with “never made it as a wise man”, a lyric modified from
the original: “warmin up a teat with my hand” in favor of a more
marketable rock band image.
Currently Nickelback is one of the most commercially successful
Canadian groups in recorded history, having sold like, 50 billion albums
worldwide. Their music can be heard echoing off the manilla
wafer-colored walls of every TJMaxx and Chili’s restaurant in the
country. At present the band continues to tour; yelling, sweating and
making sounds in front of curiously large crowds all across the world.
